Waiting
by dizi
Summary: W&J. Jubilee's allgrown up and wants her Wolverine. Will he stop seeing her as a kid and give her what she needs? AU. First few parts told pov. Finished!
1. Existing

disclaimer: I am pretty sure everyone knows I don't own the characters, Marvel does. (Except Jenny, but she's barely mentioned.)

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**Waiting**  
by Dizi

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Part 1 (Jubilee's POV): Existing

I didn't ask him to love me. I wanted him to, of course, but I would never ask him to love me. He doesn't want to love anyone. He does, I know he does. He used to love me in his own way. He stopped when I decided we should be lovers.

Yes, I decided. He will always see me as a child. When I came to him he didn't push me away, but neither did he encourage me or come to me. Two years ago if I woke in the night he would either bring me to lie with him or he would stay with me. Now unless I force my presence on him, I am alone.

When I said I am 22yrs old and more than old enough he shrugged. I only said once how I haven't been a virgin since Bastion more than 7yrs before. No one liked his reactions to that statement. I stopped trying to prove my position when I said I was happy to be with someone who cared about me and he walked away, didn't say a word. I didn't say love, I NEVER say love.

Its not as though I ever had a choice. Since I saved him in Australia we had a connection. We were together a long time and it was intense. He made a commitment to me. He didn't have to. Not even my parents ever acted that way, they only acted like they cared when I was perfect and that wasn't very often. I just couldn't do it. I tried, I really did, but that just wasn't me. He always seemed to like me for me.

They all had a meeting about me when I was fourteen and I listened in. They said I should go away to school and he fought it and said I needed to be with him. They told him he was being selfish and that I needed more than he could give at that time. He argued long and loud but in the end he decided they were right and it was best for me. So I went because he really thought it was best.

He asked me, he didn't tell me, he came to me and talked to me like I was a real person and laid it all out and said how he thought it was a good idea and asked what I thought. So I said it was a good idea too. He always did that. Didn't talk down to me but with me, always listened to my answers and reasons, no matter how girly or immature. Of course, when he made a decision that was it, but ususally he asked.

But he had trouble seeing me grow up. When I started my period for the first time he stayed away the whole time. The first time I went on a date he totally freaked. I only went because I felt like I should be doing that sort of thing. I was really only passing time until I was old enough for him. I don't remember when that occurred to me. It was like it was always there, that feeling that no one else would ever be right for me. When I was captured and the guards raped me while Bastion watched, besides the pain, the only real thought I had was that HE would not be my first.

After I felt unclean, dirty. Then I went back to school because everyone said it would be best for me. I didn't sleep for months it seemed. He wasn't there to comfort me. He didn't come to me and say he still loved me. After a long while I was able to talk to Emma and that helped and I could sleep again. I told myself he always said I was strong and he just wasn't worried about me because he knew I was alright, so I would be alright. Everyone said I was fine, so I was fine. The only one who knew I tried to kill myself was Emma, and during counseling she swore she wouldn't tell him.

I went to college because everyone said I should and he seemed to think it was a good idea. So I went and I worked extra hard, made good grades and graduated early so I could come back to him. And it was great for awhile. We were together again. He protected my dreams when I had nightmares and I felt whole again. But he still treated me like I was a kid.

I was 21 and I decided I had waited for him long enough. I didn't push just made little changes. My uniform became a little tighter. My clothes a little skimpier. I had let my hair grow out but kept it in a ponytail and I started leaving it down. I added that touch of makeup, not alot just a bit. I know his sensitive nose so I started using exotically scented lotion and shampoo instead of perfume. Just little things to let him know I was grown up. I went out on a few dates and let them kiss me and feel me up. I stayed out all night and let him think I was with a man.

He never said anything, that's really is not his way. He still came to me when I had nightmares. Then one night I was lying with him in his bed his arms around me, and he asked me if I'm alright and I kissed him. He didn't pull away but he didn't encourage me. I thought that meant he was leaving it up to me so I screwed up my courage and I made all the moves and he cooperated. I was thrilled. He was more than I had ever hoped.

During the day nothing changed, he acted like everything was the same. I was fine with that. I really was.

But after the fourth time like that, he stopped coming to me when I had nightmares. I wasn't sure what to think. During the day everything was STILL the same. In the morning he would even ask me if I was okay after a nightmare. I, of course, said yes.

But I stopped sleeping. Everyone became concerned and Hank gave me sleeping pills. They worked fine for a few nights, then I started chasing them with whiskey and they worked better. A few nights of that and he said something and took the whiskey away but still didn't come to me. I needed him.

I needed him so much. My body yearned for his now, but my mind needed him to chase the nightmares away. So again, I took matters in my own hands and went to him. He finally stopped making me make all the moves, and he was sometimes rough, but I didn't care. I love him the way he is. I was with him and that was all that mattered.

That was all that ever mattered. I knew he didn't love me and he didn't treat me like he used to anymore. He still didn't come to me, but he would take over when I came to him. I would say he treated us like I was one of his one night stands he's always had but, he trusts me more than that.

He only sleeps deeply enough to talk in his sleep when he truly trusts someone. I wonder how many women know that. I have known it since I was 13. The only times he was ever really tender with me during this period is when he would dream of someone else. He would start touching me while still half asleep and would call their names while he came inside me, Jean, Mariko, Silver Fox. I tried not to let him know how much it hurt that even when fully awake he didn't call MY name.

I never said anything to him and I NEVER let him see me cry. I don't know if he knew or not, he never said anything either.

I stopped dating of course. And I didn't say anything when he came home smelling of cheap perfume. I had always known I wouldn't be enough for him. I knew he cared for me, but I wasn't the kind of person he could love that way.

What I didn't see was all these things were a way of pushing me away. Charles Xavier tried to make me see that.

Charles called me while everyone else was away. He tried to tell me how what I had done would hurt us both. I said he was a big boy and he made the decision to accept me. I wasn't a child anymore and if I decided I wanted to be with someone I would. He told me everyone knew what was going on and they were worried about me. I didn't laugh. To be honest they WERE my friends, but they sure didn't care about me when I wasn't around, did they? I didn't let myself think that way about HIM.

Just to show I wasn't obsessed and dependent, I went out that night. I went to a club and drank and danced and let a perfect stranger makeout with me on the dance floor. I felt dirty, and decided that I had let Charles get to me and I wouldn't listen anymore.

He was there when I came home. He went into a rage. Said I was his and he didn't share. He really hurt me that night. He slammed me into a wall and tore my clothes off me. God, it hurt. The next morning I was covered in bites, scratches and bruises. I hurt everywhere.

But it hurt most to know he would think I had been with someone else. I had never wanted anyone else and worked hard to be with him. Took all kinds of shit to be with him. From him and everyone else too.

I had woken in the medlab and Hank wouldn't look me in the eye. He reassured me that he wouldn't tell anyone but probably the telepaths knew anyway. He said I was would be fine and there was no real damage but I knew he was wrong. Nothing was fine.

He stayed away from me for two days. Then he came to me for the first time. He was so tender. He kissed ALL my hurts and made them better. When I was scared he kissed that away too. He loved me all night. God, I love him.

But I didn't say it. I knew that he knew. I knew he knew I wanted to. But I didn't because I knew he didn't want me to. He knew that too. I knew, he knew.

But I also knew he was saying he was sorry he didn't love me. He was also saying good-bye. I was his and we both knew it but he didn't want me. Not really. I should have listened to Charles. He's always right. I hate him for that.

He actually talked to me before he left. He said he couldn't be all that I needed. He said he would only be gone a few weeks and then we would go back the way we used to be. I knew I couldn't do that. He was exactly what I needed. He just didn't want to be. I didn't say anything. He left.

I didn't leave my room for two days. I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. I just lay there. People knocked on my door and asked if I was alright but I just layed there. I felt Charles, Jean and Betsy check on me. I just ignored them and layed there.

The third day I packed up my room and made some phone calls. I left on the fourth. Didn't say anything to anyone, just left. What can I say? I had a bad role-model.

I got an apartment in Westchester. I had money from my parents. Its how I paid for college, but I didn't want to do nothing so I got a job waitressing at a bar. It was something I knew since my friend Jenny is a waitress at Harry's.

Everyone came to see me. I was social when they came. I cooked, I invited them in. I hadn't told them where I was going. I knew if they wanted to know they would find out. Guess they did. Though they always asked I wouldn't go back. He didn't come. They told me he came back just when he said he would. I suppose he got my letter. I didn't leave without telling him. I couldn't do that.

I move every few months and they always just drop in. I was surprised they kept in touch. It wasn't like I was trying to lose them, like I said if they wanted to find me they would. I guess I was surprised they would bother. They never had before. I think it was the suicidal thoughts.

Charles, Jean and Betsy couldn't help but pick them up. They even tried to talk to me about it. I couldn't. Emma came one day. She said she just wanted to make sure I was doing alright. She didn't mention suicide. But that was because she knew I wouldn't do it. For the same reason I didn't do it all those other times. It would hurt him. I think Jean put her up to coming. Not that Emma didn't care, but she believes in letting us make our own mistakes. I know she knew I was drinking, but she didn't say anything about that either. Afterall, she's really not a hypocrite.

I think I started drinking because I can't kill myself. I have nightmares pretty often. No one is there for me now. I could go back. I wouldn't go to him anymore. I know he wouldn't come to me. But there would be someone there.

Charles sometimes would help me sleep. I'm sure one of the others would let me sleep with them. Could I do it? No.

I've had sex twice in the year since I've left and both times it left me cold and dirty. I really liked them. They were good guys, little rough and raunchy, but great guys. I just didn't love them. Because I love him. I always have and always will.

I don't know why I go on. I don't know how. I really just exist, because like always I am not really alive unless I am with him. I put up a good show. Very few know how good I am at faking being alive. If you were to ask anyone they would say I am vibrant and fun. Great to have around. Seriously, its in my references.

I still do all the things I always have. Listen to loud music, rollerblade, dance, joke. I'm a blast. Ha ha. Its a good front. Most people buy it. Even most telepaths. All but Charles and Emma. That's really saying something, do you realize how many telepath's I know?

Like I said, I move every few months, just pack up and go. I don't go north, went right thru NY, too many people know me there. Stayed couple months in Georgia. Then I had sex with Mark and it was time to go.

Drove around for couple weeks after that, went thru Chicago, hit the west coast, ended up in Oklahoma. Spent some time in Tulsa and made a few friends, then few of us went to OK city together. Few months there and then I get real depressed, get drunk, sleep with Tom and he says those three magic words and pops the question. I left. God, I think I'm just like HIM.

Now I'm in a little town in Texas near the Mexican border. I have a little apartment. Still waitressing. I usually get jobs in biker bars. They're the type of people I know.

Storm dropped in on me the other day. Just to see how I'm doing. We went shopping, had a blast. Pun intended. See, I'm alotta fun. We went shopping.

I actually saw someone I know the other day. Almost used my powers for the first time in seven months. Victor Creed, Sabertooth, was getting on his bike.

Just bared his teeth, said he didn't have a quarral with me since I wasn't with HIM amymore. He looked me up and down and said I had grown up good, and if HE didn't want me, he'd take me. I just looked at him. He grinned baring his teeth and said it was my loss and left.

What scared me most was that for a brief moment, a very brief moment, I thought about it. I know I won't. But I am tired of being alone, and the only person I can think of being with forever doesn't want to be with me.

So I exist, and I will continue to do so. Because what else can I do? I will continue to exist and wait. As I always have.

end part 1

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note: 

If you've read my bio, you know I was depressed when I wrote this. I actually wrote it before 'Comfort', but didn't feel confident enough to post it.  
Well, I got sick and depressed again, so I touched it up, and here it is. The next couple parts is from Wolverine's POV. It covers all this and goes futher.  
I hope you like it. I'm still not sure about it, but it's done and tells the story pretty much the way I intended. Obviously, its AU and leaves out some of the series. That would be because I am not totally up to date on the series and couldn't identify with it. The brief reference to Jenny had to go in because in MY X-men world Jenny is now part of it as a secondary character.

Thank you for reading and please tell me what you think of it.

Dizi


	2. Letting Go

disclaimer: I am pretty sure everyone knows I don't own the characters, Marvel does. (Except Jenny, but she's barely mentioned.)

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**Waiting**  
by Dizi

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Part 2 (Wolverine's POV): Letting Go

I have loved a handful of wormen in my life. Well, my life that I remember. But not like her, never like her. She doesn't think I love her, but I do. Enough to let her go.

Bad things happen to those I love. Usually they die. Jean came back, but not to me. I'm over her. Not everyone thinks that, expecially not HER, but I am. Have been for awhile. Didn't realize when it happened, but I got over her. Over all of them.

I think it must have been in the last year. Since SHE left. While she was here and sharing my bed I felt like a dirty old man. I tried to keep my distance and to keep everything the same, but it didn't work.

I didn't know she had nightmares til she came back to the mansion when she finished college. Sometimes I would lay with her on her bed and hold her. Feel her body against mine and think how good it felt. It was worse when I took her to my room. I squashed that down fast. She was like my daughter. She needed me. I sure as hell wasn't going to do anything with her.

I would think about when she saved me in Australia. She was terrified. She hid it well, but I knew. She was there for me whenever I needed her.

When they decided to have that meeting about her when she was fourteen. I was NOT going to let her go. She needed me. I needed her. But they pointed out all those other needs of hers. Needs I couldn't take care of.

What did I know about being a teenage girl? Hell, I lit out first thing when she... she... can't say it. But I left til I knew it was over that first time. So eventually I decided they were right. Took the kid aside and explained it to her. I knew she listened in. I knew she knew it wasn't what I wanted. She had probably already made up her mind. If she cried and said she didn't want to go, well then, no matter what anyone said she wasn't going. But she just listened and when I said I thought it was a good idea, she said she'd go. I wanted her to go. I wanted her to be happy. But it hurt like hell.

When she was captured by that bastard Bastion, I felt like someone else I loved was being taken away from me. I had to fight not to go beserk in the desert when I caught her scent. I had thought she was safe at that school and there she was in hell. And it was my fault.

I brought her into this world of humans against mutants, the dream of us all just getting along. So to keep her away from me, I sent her on back to that school and tried not to think about her all the time. Hoped she would know I still loved her even though I didn't go to her and say so.

I didn't know what they had done to her. I didn't find out she'd been raped until the nightmares when she came back. I thought she was fine. She went on her first date when she was sixteen. I was told about it and went a little crazy I admit. But everyone told me both her dating and me not liking it was normal. She was normal, dammit. She finished school, went to college. Isn't that normal?

I wasn't sure how to feel about her joining the team after college. Cyke asked her without telling me. Then she was there and it was great. I hadn't realized how much I had missed her.

First week she's back she had a nightmare. After the second , I suggested being back was reminding her of bad times. That's when she told me she's been having them since it happened. That's when I found out she'd been raped. And I had just sent her back to school with a wave saying how she was strong and she'd be fine.

She wasn't fine and I didn't know it. I didn't know because I pushed her out of my life. This was the daughter of my heart and I didn't know and pushed her away. Well, I'd be there for her now I told myself.

Then she changed on me. It was bad enough that she'd snuggle against me after one of those nightmares and I'd want her like I'd never wanted anyone before. Then she changed her scent. I noticed that right off. God, did she smell good! I just wanted to bury my nose in her and smell her all day.

Then there was the hair. When she was young she'd kept it short. While at the school she'd grown it out some. But at college she grew it out all the way. But she'd alway kept it up and I didn't really pay attention to it. Well, she let it down. Man, did it go down. All the way down to her butt in fact. And what a butt it is. I was in hell.

She started wearin' a tight little number as her uniform. I sure didn't like the way all the men on the team looked at her then. I think even Cyke was sneaking looks. I know I couldn't stop looking. Then I held her in my arms at night. Did I mention hell?

She wore the shortest skirts and shorts ya ever seen around the place. And I gotta admit she doesn't have breasts like Storm and Jean but what she has was pretty noticable in those tops she practically wasn't wearin'. And I'm still holdin' her in my arms at night.

I didn't think the danger room would survive the rage I went into when she started dating after she came back. She'd come home smelling ofjerk she'd let touch her, kiss her. She'd stay out all might but I knew she hadn't slept with anyone. I would have smelled it. I was quietly going insane, but I didn't say anything.

Cyke and Remy took me aside and wanted to know what was between us. I don't remember what I said. Neither of them made an issue of it. Chuck mighta said somthing to them since I went to him about what to do for her because of the rape. He wasn't much help, just said I seemed to be handling it fine on my own. Was he kidding?

Then one night when I'm holding her, I ask if she's alright and she just lifts her head and kisses me! I had to force myself not to just grab her right then. I didn't want to scare her, so I let her do whatever she wanted with me. Man did she! But I felt guily as hell. So, I let her have her way with me a few more times. Then I couldn't take it anymore, and I stopped going to her when she had a nightmare.

I could hear her crying out in her sleep and then crying herself back to sleep in the early morning hours. But I didn't go to her. I'm a shit, I admit it.

Everyone got real worried. She started pulling her hair back again and wearing dark clothes that covered her from head to toe. They matched the dark circles under her eyes. Her beautiful eyes.

I still tried to be there for her. I kept trying to get her to talk to me about the nightmares, and she'd say she was fine. Fine my ass. I went to Chuck and Hank. Hank gave her some pills and they seemed to help for a few days. Then I caught her drinking with them. Put a stop to that right away. She could of killed herself.

I needed her. My body reacted to just the thought of her. What I really needed was to hold her at night and protect her from the nightmares.

Just when I couldn't take it anymoe, she came to me. I still didn't want to scare her so again I let her make all the moves, but when she put my hands where I wanted them anyway, I just gave in. She was with me all the way. Damn, I love her. And we were together again.

The nightmares stopped. She went back to wearing pretty clothes and didn't look half dead. I stopped killing innocent inanimate objects. Which made certain other team members happy, I can tell ya.

But I just couldn't treat her the same. I tried but she just wasn't a kid to me anymore, and I couldn't pretend she was. But I'm not one to display my feelings. I wasn't sure how to act. When it was just us there was no problem, though I couldn't make myself touch her in her old girly room, so I waited for her to come to mine.

Then I started having nightmares of my own. About all the other women in my life that had ended up dying. Even the ones still alive were dead in my dreams. Asking me to be with them one more time. Then I'd wake up to their name coming out my mouth and her in my arms. I know it hurt her. I tried to stop. Even went to Chuck about it. He just said I had unresolved issues. In the words of the kid, duh.

She stopped going out. Said she was fine at home. I admit I didn't push her. But when I went out, it seemed all I really wanted while I was there was to go back to her. Had to get a little rough pushing some of the bar-flies away, but she was more than enough for me.

Chuck seemed to think something wasn't quite right and said he'd talk to her while the rest of us went out one day.

When I came home, she wasn't there. She came home around midnite covered in the stink of some bastard. Now, I know she wouldn't mess around on me, but I had been worried about her and she smelled of some jerk. I'm not exactly sure what I did then. But when I came back to my senses she was beneath me and had blood on her. I rushed her to Hank.

Then I went to Chuckand find out what had happened while we were gone. He said he'd tried to make her see she needed more in her life than waiting for me. I thought that sounded fine, she did need more. But then he said she came back with that I had accepted her and she was old enough for sex.

I am pretty sure we all knew that. Not everyone liked it, but we all knew it. She'd been defending our relationship for a while now. She's 22, yep that's right. She's with someone who cares about her, uh-huh that's me. She hasn't been a virgin since her time with Bastion, don't wanna hear that. But we agree, she's old enough and we care about each other. I am not going to declare myself in front of an audience though, so I just walk away.

She knows how I feel. Or at least she did. Now I'm not so sure. I mean I hurt her. I am pretty sure she'd say everthings fine, but I did it. And again I wonder if I am good enough for her.

I still feel if I had farmed her out when she was thirteen, she'd be livin a happy normal life out there somewhere. I believe that. But I don't think I can let her go. I am happier with her than I can ever remember being, but can I live with the chances to her life? Especially when those chances are her bein' with me? I had to think.

After a couple days, I knew I couldn't think there. So I did something I had never done before. I went to her room. That night I wiped the fear from her eyes. I took all night and I'm sure we made enough noise to get some ribbing the next day, but for once I didn't care. I wanted my girl to know I loved her more than anything. Neither of us said it, but we knew. Or I thought we did.

But I needed to think about us away from this place. And I think she needed to let me go for awhile. Chuck was right, the way she was going wasn't healthy. I wasn't going to give her up, but I could take a step back for a time. A short time. I told her that, and that I was going to my cabin and would only be gone three weeks. I knew I couldn't stay away any longer than that.

I got on my Harley and went up to my cabin. Leavin' her was the hardest thing I can remember doing in a long time. She wasn't a kid anymore, and I knew it hurt her. But we both needed to think.

Course, all I could think about was how much I wanted to be with her. But I had to push past that. I forced myself to think about her like I did when she was a kid. That's when I realized even then I had to force myself to think of her AS a kid. Hey! I didn't mean sexually, just not as a kid.

Like I said, even when she was thirteen I didn't think of her as a kid. She was just a small person. Or a big person in a small body. Whatever. God, even her vocabulary has become part of me. I used to have to make myself remember she was a kid. She was my partner, my friend. Yeah, I have other friends, but she was different. She always had been and I think I was always just waiting for her to grow-up. Then I didn't realize right away when she_did_ grow-up. It snuck up on me.

She's real smart, ya know. Guess she knew when the time was right. But we had waited so long we didn't handle it well. Or maybe I didn't handle it well. So during those three weeks, I resolved we'd take a step back and then do things right. We'd go out, and, well, do_things_ like, uh, normal people did. Whatever that was.

But when I got back she was gone. I didn't go berzerk and start breaking things. Yeah, I know it seems out of character, but I knew there would be a message. She's not me. She wouldn't want me to worry. I even knew where it would be. She always puts things for me under my pillow. She has other hiding places but when she wants me to have something right away she puts it under my pillow. Okay, so its corny. But when she started it, she was about fourteen, so get over it. I had to.

Wolvie,  
When I was a child and you left I would be devasted. I don't know who all knew,  
but no matter what it looked like all I was doing was waiting for you to come back.  
When I went to school I waited for you to visit or for me to be allowed to visit  
you. When I went to college I worked like mad to able to go back to you.  
It seems all my life I have been waiting to be grown-up enough to be with you.  
I'm sorry. I can't stay here with you gone. I can't stay here and go back to being  
without you, even without you with you HERE. I waited too long for you.  
I understand you don't love me. That's not right. You just don't love me the same  
way I love you. But I can't help loving you. All I have wanted for so long was to be  
with you. I have trouble with just the thought of letting you go. If that is what you  
want I can do it. But not and stay here.  
So I'm leaving. I'm not going to tell you where I'm going. Its not like no one can find  
me if they want to.  
I am so sorry. Sorry I love you. Sorry you don't love me. Just sorry.  
Please don't worry about me. I've been on my own a long time and can take care of myself.  
Jubilee

There was more here and there, probably alot more. But those are the words that stuck in my mind. It struck me as funny. I had just come back from realizing almost the same things she's always known. I had been waiting for her to grow-up. Or at least get old enough. Most of the fun of her comes from her being immature, and most of that is on purpose. She doesn't think I know that, but I always did.

I resolved to give her time. She needed to find herself. Maybe she always did. I knew she could take care of herself. She always could. Its just that I wanted to take care of her.

So I didn't go after her. I sent others instead. They were worried about her too so that worked out. They came back saying she was fine.

That didn't sound right so I sent the big guns. Charles and Jean. They said they thought she was suicidal. My girl? I sat back and thought about that. I didn't want to. I wanted to go to her. I didn't. I sent the others again. I wanted to let her know, even if I wasn't there, that she wasn't really alone.

Months went by. How much time was I supposed to give her? Charles and Jean were really worried. Remy and Storm said they thought she was drinking. If big guns weren't enough it was time to get out the smaller but more effective ones.

I sent Emma. She didn't want to go. She said the girl was probably getting on with her life without me. I asked her if she ever had before. Emma looked me in the eye and said she had always been waiting. Told ya she was more effective. So she went.

She'd moved again. It was real frustrating when she did that. I'd send someone to check on her and they'd come back saying she wasn't there. Had to search for her. I wonder if she did it just to see if we would. Shoulda seen Cyke go on all alert the first time. If I hadn't been so freakin' out of my mind with worry myself, I would of laughed at him.

I don't think she understands how much she means to everyone. Bobby doesn't play nearly as many jokes. Or maybe just not on me. Course it's usually the girls he plays prank on anyway, so what do I know? Remy and Storm both look like they're thinking more than usual, Rogue gets a sad look on her face when she looks at me. Jeannie and Cyke have each other, so its not as bad for them. Chuck keeps telling me to give her time and to let her come back on her own. But I know, I read her letter, she's not coming back on her own. So I wait for Emma.

Emma admits the girl is drinking. She's got suicidal thoughts, just like the others said, but she's doing well and she won't kill herself. Emma said she's waiting. I asked if she's waiting for me and she wasn't sure. So I ask her why she's sure she won't kill herself. She looks real surprised by the question. Then gives me that look again and says she won't do it because she knows I would find out and be hurt. I would be hurt? She'd be DEAD! And the only reason she doesn't kill herself is because of me! All right, time to get her.

She's gone again. I almost killed some guy in Georgia. He was looking for her too. Said she was his girl and she's gone. I flash my claws at him and tell him she's MY girl and if she's gone its not gonna take long to find her. I tell him my name when he asks and he gives me a look and goes away. Think he's heard of me?

It took me awhile, but I figure I gotta give her more time. Again. How much does time she need? I'm hell to live with, I know. Everyone tiptoes around me. Remy says I should track her down and have it out. Cyke looked me right in the eye and said how he didn't let Jean go, she was taken from him. I know they're right, but do I have the right? I mean she's out of our mess and she wasn't there when I went after her. I am a great believer in fate. She wasn't there, so its not meant to be.

Few weeks later, I can't stand it anymore and I send out Rogue. She comes back talking about how the girl is in Oklahoma and living with a whole group of people and maybe we've all been replaced. I don't think anyone liked the thought of that. I been spending most of my time outside when we're not on a mission. Or in her room. Storm wanted to clean it out and I wouldn't let her. I sleep there alot. I have trouble facing my room since we spent most of our time together there. At least I can smell her in her room.

It took a long time, but I finally got so the first thought in my head in the morning and the last thought at night isn't her. Don't get me wrong, I still think about her, but I just make an effort to think about other things too. A big effort.

But I can only last so long. I send Remy this time. I figure she's probably moved again by now. He comes back saying how the whole group moved. Seems to run a bar together. What's with her and bars? But I know what, and I feel guilty cause I took her to bars since I first knew her. Hey, its not the same in Europe as it is here. I couldn't leave her alone, she was too beautiful even as a kid. Having a friend who's a waitress at a bar didn't help either.

It sounds like she really is moving on, but I can't take being without her anymore and decide I'll go and look, but not actually talk to her.

And... she's gone. Everyone there's all sad about it because some jerkface asked her to marry him and she just left. When they find out who I am, there are mixed reactions among them. The guys all nod like they get it. The girls got a little freaky though. One actually tried to attack me. Seems to be jerkface's sister and says the only reason she wouldn't marry him was because of me. Now I haven't seen her in a long time and that gives me some real hope.

But she's gone again and I figure oughta let her settle or I'll be on a wild goose chase.

Another month goes by, and I figure enough is enough, and I send Storm out again. You know, I say I'm sending them, but I'm really begging. They usually don't want to go. I don't blame them after all these chases and disappointments. They've gotten that they go just because it calms me down to hear about her. I don't think I could handle it if I went and I found her living with some jerk. I don't know what I'd do. So I send someone else.

Remy tried to get me to go out and get laid once, to work out my frustrations, but I don't want anyone but her. And its been a long time.

Storm comes back said she seems sad and lonely. Drank up news from home. Then she looks at me and says I look the same and I should bring our girl home. Everyone else has said the same thing. I should go get her. Then Storm says SHE had a nightmare while she was there and called for me in her sleep, she said it wasn't the same kind she'd had before. That's probably how all those people knew who I was.

I realize its been a whole year, and if it hasn't been enough time, it was too damn bad. I wasn't waiting anymore. So I go to my room and pack, I realize I hadn't left and gone off on my own in a long time. Because I didn't want to be on my own, I wanted to be with her.

I called a meeting to let everyone who cares about her know what I intend to do. I thought I owed it to them since they've put up with me and they worry about her too.

Cyke offers to take me to Texas in the Blackbird. I thought it sounded like a fine idea but I was coming home the long way. If she comes with me, we'll have some alone time together. If not, I'll need time alone.

He shrugs and says anything she wanted to bring back could go back with him in the Blackbird and we could come home however we wanted. He seems to have no doubts about her answer. I think we're going to get along fine from now on. Especially when Emma objects and he overrules her and saying it's been long enough. Everyone else nods agreement and tells me to give her their love.

Well, maybe I will, after I give her mine.

end part 2

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note:  
Huntress-X - Thanks! How's this?  
Sabeybaby - Did I mention I was depress when I wrote this? I cried while typing. Especially part 1.  
I try to keep my bio updated on what I'm doing, but lets just say I'm on meds right now. So if it's not quite edited right that's why. If I get reviews about it I'll pull it and fix the problems. But it was the meds that made me post it in the first place, so it's all good. Right now _everythings_ good.  
Please tell me what you think of it. (How do I know how I'm doing if you don't?) 

Thanks for reading,  
Dizi


	3. Catching Up To Jubilee

disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, Marvel does.

* * *

**Waiting**  
by Dizi

* * *

Part 3 (Wolverine's POV): Catching Up To Jubilee

On the way to Texas, I pull out her letter to me again. I've kept it with me since she left. I read it alot at first. Then I just had to keep it with me. I never told her and I will probably never tell anyone, but I have every note she ever gave me. Even the 'gone to the store be back in a hour' notes. Got them hidden behind my dresser. Its got a false back. Not this one, though. I think this one will either stay with me or maybe we can burn it together. I'll see what she says.

I have thought those words alot. I'll see what Jube says. I can say her name now. It hurt too much before. But I just don't care what anyone else thinks or feels about anything, even myself, just Jubilee.

When I get to her apartment no one is there and at first I start to panic. But the lock on the door is a joke and I go in. I breath a sigh of relief when I see she's just out not gone again.

So I sit down to wait for her. Cyke's waiting in the Blackbird. He said Jubes and me should have some time alone. We've had our differences but he came through for me. I don't know if any of the others would just sit and wait. I know I wouldn't. But he's good at that sort of thing. I never appreciated it before.

I can't sit anymore and I start looking around. The place looks like a dump. But I see touches of her all over. It makes me feel good inside. I see the bright colored clothes. Snapshot of me working on my ride, the cabin, the mansion, other places I recognize from looking for her. The only one with a person in it is the one of me.

On the bed is a shirt of mine I thought was lost. It doesn't smell like me anymore but maybe its a comfort to her. I can only hope.

The place doesn't smell like anyone except her and Storm, so she must not have guests often. Its a one bedroom so its really one big room with the kitchen and living room broke up by a counter, a bedroom and the bathroom's a little closet you gotta go into the bedroom to get to. It looked like she had started packing, or never finished unpacking.

I had just sat down again facing the door, when it opens and there she is. She must have been to the store because she's got a couple grocery bags. She just looks at me for a long moment and then must of remembered the bags cause she closes the door and puts them on the counter. She still doesn't say anthing just starts putting the groceries away. I go with her and help as best I can.

She left out the fixings for dinner, I guess, cause she starts cooking while still putting things away. She must not have had any objections to me staying since she was cooking enough for me too.

I start setting the table and while she takes up the food. We both kept stopping and just looking at each other. Couldn't help it I guess. She's a good cook, guess she learned at some point. She also knows what I like. Ya know, I don't really know what she likes. Used to be pizza and burgers, but I doubt its the same anymore. She's grown up.

As we eat, we still don't speak. I notice she cooked both steaks rare and left the potatoes plain. I wonder if she did it for me or because she likes it that way too.

I can't stop looking at her. She cut her hair. I'm not one of those guys who tells a woman how to keep her hair. It's real pretty the way it is, though. I like it short, its just I had been picturing her with that long hair. She's also got three more holes in her ears and one in her eyebrow. I wonder if there's any significance to that.

We finish eating at the same time and I clear the table and wash the dishes. She started to protest, but I just raised my eyebrow, and she stands there quiet while I work. After all, she cooked and I don't want her to think I need her to wait on me. I want us to share, not her do all the work. Maybe it's symbolic. She's my partner. Hopefully, my life partner.

After I finish, I walk up behind her, rub her shoulders. She leans into me closing her eyes. We've been together for over an hour now and neither of us have spoken. I put my arms around her, marveling at how good she feels. She's just a bit taller than me in the heels she's wearing, but it puts her in just the right place for me to lean in and smell that spot on her neck I like. She shudders as I slowly inhale her unique fragrance. I see the tears running down her face as I turn her around. I rest one hand on face, just holding it there, touching her.

I kiss her softly on the lips. I kept telling myself not to, but I had to kiss her. Finally, she opens her eyes as though drinking in the sight of me. Really seeing me.

There's so much we need to say but the only words I can think of are the ones I have been wanting to say since before I left for those three weeks more than a year ago.

"I love you."

end part 3

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note:  
Huntress-X: Again here ya go! Thanks.  
XX: Thanks to you too!  
Sandy: I am feeling much better. When I first wrote it, I think it was like therapy. When I was done I felt much better. Maybe posting it did the same thing this time. Course it might have been the meds.

This one is shorter but to the point. Jubilee's POV on Wolverine's arrival is next.

For those who want to know, I try hard to keep my bio updated as to what I'm writing and when I expect to post. Try being a key word there.

Thanks for reading and the reviews,  
Dizi


	4. Alive Again

disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, Marvel does.

* * *

**Waiting**  
by Dizi

* * *

Part 4 (Jubilee's POV): Alive Again

When I walked into my apartment I didn't expect anyone to be there. When any of the others come they wait outside the door for me to come home, even Gambit. When I see him, my first thought is that I must be hallucinating. I have imagined him with me for a long time. Pictured him waiting for me to come home sitting there just like he is. It takes me a moment to realize he's real and not a dream. ThenI remember I have ice cream melting in one of the bags.

I put the bags on the counter and start putting food away, leaving out dinner. I don't know what made me buy two steaks while I was at the store. Maybe something told me he was coming? I don't know. All I care about is that he's here. While the steaks are cooking I stick a fork in some potatoes I cleaned before going to the store and put them in the microwave. I had cleaned two potatoes, was it fate or wishful thinking?

I keep looking at him. I can't help it. I keep waiting for him to disappear. He's putting my groceries away. I'm cooking and he's putting my groceries away. Is this real?

He starts setting the table while I start taking up the food.

While we eat, I keep watching him. Neither of us speak.

After we finish he cleans off the table and I start to take them from him. This is my place, these are my dishes, I should be doing this. He raises his eyebrow and I think 'Fine, who am I to say anything if he wants to wash dishes?' So I stand there and watch him.

When he finishes, I close my eyes not brave enough to speak. He comes behind me and rubs my shoulders. My eyes pop open and I can't help but lean into him. He's touching me. Was I alive before now? I don't remember being truly alive for so long.

He puts his arms around me and I feel the tears running down my face as my eyes drift shut again. Then he buries his nose in my neck and I shudder. How I have longed for this. I can't make myself open my eyes as he turns me around to face him.

He puts his had on my face resting it there. He kisses me, so gentle, so tender. I open my eyes and just stare into his. Before I can muster my courage he says the words I have always wanted to hear. The words I have wanted to say but couldn't make myself, couldn't face him if he didn't want them.

"I love you."

I throw myself in his arms laughing, crying, not sure and not caring. "I love you, too!"

And he's laughing while he holds me tight. I'm where I belong, with my Wolverine again.

end part 4

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note:  
Did you really expect anything else? Next chapter is it. Time to go home. Should post it tomorrow. Couldn't wait for this one as 3 and 4 really should be together. 

Thanks for reading and all the reviews,  
Dizi


	5. Going Home

disclaimer: I don't own the characters, Marvel does. (Except Jenny, but she's barely mentioned.)

* * *

**Waiting**  
by Dizi

* * *

Part 5 (conclusion): Going Home

He picked her up and carried her to the chair she bought with him in mind. He holds her on his lap, in his arms where she's always belonged. "We have to talk." he says.

"Okay." Whatever he wanted was fine with her.

"Please come home. You don't have to join the team if you don't want to. You want to keep workin' bars? I'll be your most regular customer, and Jenny can put you to work at Harry's. You want to live somewhere besides the mansion? Fine, we'll get an apartment, or a house. Whatever ya want, darlin'. Just please come home with me."

"Logan, it wasn't Westchester or the mansion I was running from, it was memories, and the idea of living without you. If I'm not good enough for the team anymore, then yeah, I'll keep working bars. I'd like working with Jenny. I love the mansion and the team, but if someone starts making snide remarks then, yeah a_home_ would be great. But all I really need is to know that you love me and want me with you."

"Darlin', I've always wanted you with me and I love ya more'n anythin'. It's just when you were young I didn't feel like I could take care of you. Then I was afraid something would happen to you. But now, I want you with me more than I'm afraid. Ya understand?"

"Yeah, I understand." He shifted her while he reached into his pocket and pulled out her letter. It looked like it would fall apart.

"We're gonna go over this together and face all our fears. Then we have a choice, I figure we can either frame it or burn it, your choice." He said with a grin.

She groaned, "Burn it!" He laughed.

"Just what I was thinkin'." He kissed her again, a nice long, lingering kiss. When they came up for air, they were both breathing hard. "We gotta stop, darlin'." he groaned.

"Why?" She frowned.

"Because, I want everything settled before we make love. No more misunderstandings. When we're together again I want us both to know what's what and that's that."

"And why can't we talk after, in bed?" she said, trailing kisses to his ear.

"Um. Because I, uh, kinda made some arrangements." he said with a sheepish look.

She jumped off his lap ready to blast him, both literally and figuratively. "What do you mean, bub? And talk fast."

"Well, its not like they're set in stone or anything." he muttered. "I just brought Cyke and the Blackbird to take your stuff and figured we could drive home."

"Oh." She thought about that for a moment. It didn't sound bad but- "That's the first thing we have to talk about, I guess. I am twenty-three years old. I am not going to be a sidekick anymore, at least when it comes to _us_, which means no decisions about_me_ or _us_, without talking about it first. This is a special circumstance, and is forgiven. But from now on..."

"Not a problem, darlin', I have been wantin' to do that fer awhile now. But ya wasn't around." he said quickly.

"That's another thing." She plopped back on his lap. "What took you so long?"

"Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time." he mumbled, reaching for her. "Now let's try your idea."

"Nuh-uh. You made the arrangements, now you gotta live with 'em. Call Scott. Then both of you can help get me packed." She said her lips on his ear and hand roaming.

"Oh, but I liked your idea - oh yeah - about talkin' in bed."

"Well then, you won't make arrangements without consulting me in the future, will you?" She patted his cheek and went to the bedroom to sort what she would need from what Scott would bring back to the mansion.

He smiled watching her walk away. She would never have spoken to him like that a year ago. Whether or not either of them liked it, the year had been good for her. Probably for both of them.

She popped her head back into the room, "Have you called, Scott, yet?"

"Darlin', are ya sure...?" he asked phone in hand, puppy-dog look on his face.

"The sooner we finish, the sooner Scott can leave and get back to Jean. And we can be alone." was her firm answer.

Damn, he'd always known she was smart. He started dialing.

"Logan?"

"Yeah." he grinned. "Everythings fine, Cyke. C'mon over and we'll start packin' up."

"Great. I rented a truck. I'll grab something to eat and be right over."

She called from the bathroom. "Tell him to stop off at the grocery store at the corner and grab some boxes! And he shouldn't buy anthing to eat, I've got plenty."

"I heard that. Turned into a bossy little thing, didn't she?" he commented before disconnecting.

Wolverine chuckled. He'd have it no other way.

He had his firecracker back. And he was never letting her go again.

Finished.

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note:  
Deamondeathstone- I totally believe in happy endings!  
Sabeybaby- Would I make you wait! Well, maybe, but I already had it written. 

Does that make it all better? Was it a little fast? Seemed right somehow not making this last part pov. What do you think?

Thank you so much for reading my litte W&J story. No matter the circumstances of posting it, I think I'm proud of it. BTW feeling much better.

Dizi


End file.
